Moving to Chicago: "Go. Now."

Walking with God is personal, but it's something we do with fellow Christians as well. We're walking with God with one another. God has spoken to me through the people around me more than He has through any other means.

Back in June, shortly after I sensed God telling me to "Go" to Moody in Chicago, I started asking God the next question: "When?" And I was pretty sure that God's response was, "Now." Go. Now. I know that Jesus said His sheep hear His voice, but sometimes I doubt. I don't doubt that God can speak to His people. Not at all. I doubt that God will speak to me. And I trust God... I just don't trust myself to hear Him. Too many selfish agendas muffling and distorting His voice. Thankfully we're walking with God with one another. So I called a friend and filled Him in on what I'd been praying about... without giving him the details. I asked him to get back to me and let me know if he was hearing God with any clarity. A couple days later he called me and said, "I feel like God is saying, 'Go now.'" Go. Now. Hmmmm... It's almost like I've heard that somewhere before...

Moving to Chicago: Wise in My Eyes

John Eldridge writes that part of walking with God is reading Scripture intimately, not just intellectually. Every now and then we need to drop our programs and ask, "God, what do you want me to read tonight?" Sometimes you'll be led immediately to a passage. Other times you'll draw a blank. But this particular night, God led me to Proverbs 3:7.

Don't be wise in your own eyes,
fear the Lord and shun evil.

Huh? Ok... so I meditated on this verse for a few days wondering what in the world God was getting at. Then I decided to read the verse in context. Turns out it's predecessor is among the most familiar verses in the Bible:

Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.
Do not be wise in your own eyes;
fear the LORD and shun evil.

Don't be wise in your own eyes... when you zoom the lens out just a tad, the picture becomes more revealing. Who am I going to trust? That's the real issue here. God could have gotten straight to the point and led me to 3:5-6, but I needed a warning. Don't be wise in your own eyes.

I'm a "figure it out" sort of guy. Lists, charts, equations, formulas... where would I be with out them? Weigh the pros and cons, and the balance will reveal the answer. Punch in the numbers, and you'll find the solution. What other way is there? Don't be wise in your own eyes. What other way is there? Trust in the Lord with all your heart...

Ok God... now I see. My wisdom isn't yours. Help me to seek and follow yours and suppress my own. If my family is moving to Chicago, there are a lot of things that have to be worked out. Matriculation (my new favorite word), housing, jobs, childcare, finding a new church home... I can either figure it out myself (be wise in my own eyes) or I can trust God with it.

Moving to Chicago: White Knuckles

Walking with God... exciting... just be ready for your world to be totally flipped.

God knows what turns our knuckles white. He knows exactly what it is that you and I are gripping so tightly. Our wallets. Our jobs. Cars. Homes. Golf clubs. Entertainment. Comfort. Power... Property. 3.3 acres across from Driver Middle School to be specific. God, you can use me annnnyway you like, but let me show you the property boundaries first.

One of the things I'll miss most about 285 S 100 E is the mowing. Throw on my Husqvarna headphones, put some RK on my ipod, sit back and follow the fresh-cut lines created by my Toro Wheelhorse. My escape.

I was in the middle of one of these escapes back in June when God got my attention. By this time I'd had a week or so to process the layoff. God often uses these desperate times to shake us out of our slumber. I was sitting on my 20hp rider when I began praying this prayer. Be careful what you pray. Be even more careful if you mean it! God knows what turns our knuckles white.

"God what do you want me to do now?"

"You already know," was His answer.

I'm very skeptical when people say, "God said," and I don't say it myself very often. But in this case, I'm just sayin', "God said."

"You already know."


"I already know what?"

After a few more passes on the rider, I knew what I already knew. Youth ministry. Moody. The two most sure callings in my life. I can run but I can't hide. They've chased me down every alley and around every corner. God was right. I already knew. But just in case... "God, do you want me to go to Moody Bible Institute in Chicago and study youth ministry?"

"Go."

Go... go means leaving. Leaving family. Friends. Ministries. Familiarity. The property.

Be careful what you pray. God knows exactly what turns our knuckles white.

Moving to Chicago: Walking with God

"It's really a red pill - blue pill moment." At least that's what a good friend told me about John Eldredge's Walking with God. I had no idea what he was talking about because I couldn't get past the whole, "Jesus found my watch" story (You'd have to read the book or listen to the CDs to know what I'm talking about... aka "You have to read this book! It will change your life! ;o)).

What a terrible attitude! Satan was completely stealing any joy or motivation I could possibly find through these CDs, and I didn't even realize it. At least not at first. But when I did, I found that my good friend was right. It really was a red pill - blue pill moment. Walking with God. Daily. I knew this was going to be an exciting new adventure!!

Moving to Chicago: The Layoff

"You've got to listen to these CD's," Brent told me. So I did. Popped one in the next day at work, but I didn't get very far into it before my bosses called me into their office. Laid off. That was their message. The work well had been dry for a while. I was the only employee left to cut, and they did everything they could to keep me on as long as they could... I still appreciate their sacrifices to this day. But still. Laid off. It's one of those things you can see coming, and you can try to prepare yourself for it mentally, emotionally, financially... but you're never really prepared. Like the passing of a great-grandparent. There's that hopeful part in us that always says, "It's not going to happen. Not yet. Not now. Not to me." Laid off. Now what?!? In the mean time, I've got a few weeks at the office to tie up some loose ends. Won't be long before I have all the time in the world to listen to those CD's. Thanks Brent.

Moving to Chicago: Jeez Friggin Louise

I hate audio books. Give me a highlighter and a hardback, and I'm golden. Never been a fan of friends and family bringing books to me either.

"You have to read this! It changed my life!"

Seriously, that's great, but have you seen my stack of "books to be read" on my nightstand? Brent Smith, a good friend in my growth group, hadn't. Not only did he offer me another book to read, it was an audio book (There are several different ways you can spell the sound of hurling... insert one here). Even though I wasn't thrilled about listening to John Eldridge's "Walking with God", something in me said I should give it a shot the next day.

Moving to Chicago: On Hold

Not the move itself. Just the story behind it. Actually the story is continuing to unfold, and the current stage is pretty exhausting-slash-overwhelming. I'm excited to put in writing all of the amazing things God has done in the past few months (and is still doing)!! Stay tuned!

Moving to Chicago?!?

Some time soon you may hear that Jamie and I are moving up toward Chicago. 'Tis true. As a friend you may want to have me admitted to an institute, but no need. I'm not crazy, but I have already applied for admission to an institute.

In short, I'm following God with this move. In long... well, check back over the next few days.

The Bickering Church

Tonight my anger has brought me back to this dormant blog of mine. Please excuse me for a moment while I reawaken the right side of my brain (you know, the half they say is responsible for creativity).

Me: WAKE UP ya lazy bum!
Right Side of Brain: Just a few more minutes of sleep!
Me: Come on! Get out of bed! I have something I need you to help me say!
Right Side of Brain: But I'm a brain. I can't talk.
Me: Yeah. Good point.
Right Side of Brain: I'm going back to bed.
Me: Wait a second... now I'm confused...

Looks like I'll have to share my message uncreatively. Let's see...

Hey church: stop bickering!
Hey world: sorry we didn't have time to share the Gospel of Jesus Christ with you tonight. We were distracted by really important things like changing our church name and redistributing power.

There. I think that will do.

Christian or Deist?

So you say you believe in God... but are you a Christian or a deist?

Christian... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...Deist

God created everything... ...God created everything

God came to us... ... ... ... ... ...God stepped back

God is near... ... ... ... ... ... ... God is distant

God is a participant... ... ... ... ... God is an observer

God is personal... ... ... ... ...God is unapproachable

God loves us... ... ... ... ...God couldn't care less

Refreshing Honesty

I spent a few hours with an old friend tonight. Jim has been a spiritual hero to me since I was 18. One of the most impressive things about Jim is his honesty. He tells it like it is; he's an open book. Tonight I asked him to fill out a character reference for me, and he came right out and told me my weaknesses. "You lack self-confidence, and you're not assertive." True. And somehow he says it in a way that's not hurtful. "You know I'm not going to give you the highest marks on everything, right? Because then this reference would be pointless." He went on to share some of my strengths as well. Then later, "You're a good writer Bryan. My son-in-law has good writing skills too... they exceed yours." [lol!!] Now that's refreshing honesty!

Why is it that this sort of honesty is so rare? I imagine chatting with one of the apostles would have been similar. Brutal but loving truth shared in a way that builds and motivates rather than tearing down. Thanks for another refreshing evening Jim :o)

Waiting: On Hold

Is there anything more boring/annoying than being on hold? Waiting... waiting... waiting... You have issues to resolve, and you're stuck with the cell sitting on your desk on speakerphone, and you're waiting for someone to pick up your line and finally begin the painful process of getting an answer.

Waiting... waiting... waiting...

My life is on hold right now. I know what the problem is, and I know what the answer is, but I'm still stuck here waiting. Come on customer service. Pick up, work your magic, and we'll be done with it. Then I can continue on with my crazy life! Being on hold is annoying. Boring. Frustrating. Transforming. Wait, what?!? Transforming? Ok that's a stretch. It usually isn't, but it can be.

Wait for it... wait for it...

w a i t
f o r
i t
. . .

"Be still before the Lord, and wait patiently for him." (Psalm 37:7)
"But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." (Romans 8:25)

Wait.

Patiently.

Listen!!!

"God, speak to me. I want to hear your voice. Give me guidance. Give me direction. I believe you want to communicate with your people. Speak to me, God."

I began repeating this prayer about six weeks ago. I'd hate to see the wax on the Q-tip God used to open up my ears. Must've been pretty nasty. But He's speaking to me now and directing me through His Word, radio stations, sermons, friends and the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Many of my encounters with God in the past month have been so clearly Him, that they would fit perfectly into the plot of a cheesy Christian movie. Even now, as I think about these experiences, I have to pinch myself... make sure I'm not going to wake up from this fairytale. I'm wondering how long God has been trying to speak to me... if my ears have just been closed this whole time...

God is speaking to me. He answered my prayer, and He has revealed Himself to me more personally than ever. That's the awesome part.

Then there's the scary part. I'm not sure I want to hear what He's had to say. I feel like the crowd following Jesus when He spoke about eating His flesh and drinking His blood. "Man, this teaching is tough to accept." Most people leave when God starts this sort of crazy talk. And now I'm in a place where I'm being asked, "What? Are you gonna ditch me too?" ... ... ... "Where else could I go, Lord?" ... that should be my response. Instead, this: "But what if... ? God, have you thought about this... ? Are you sure?"

I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. (John 10:1-4)

My hesitation frustrates me... one DUMB sheep! That's me! Abraham didn't hesitate. God saw his faith and chalked one up for righteousness.

God, increase our trust in you each day. Thank you for going on ahead of us. Thank you for speaking to us. Open our ears that we may hear you. Strengthen our will that we may follow you. Amen.

onedumbsheep Returns

"'Return to me, and I will return to you,' says the LORD Almighty" ~ Malachi 3:7

I'm baaaaaaaack! Haha! Watchoo gonna do now?

Less importantly, I've returned to blogging. Who knows how long it will stick, and who cares if anyone is listening, but I'm back. Ok... I care... at least a little. I care about publicly sharing my walk with God. I care about encouraging anyone who stumbles on this blog with God's Word. I care about following God's leading. I care about allowing God to awaken and sharpen my creativity through writing. But I don't care about having a following or impressing anyone.

More importantly, I've returned to God. I've done a 180. I've repented. I've told God, "Whatever. Whenever. Wherever. Talk to me." And He's answered as loud and clear as ever. He's rejuvenated me, and now I'm on a mission. Not a mission to accomplish. Not a mission to do. A mission to be. A mission to follow. A mission to simply walk with God. A mission to trust His leading.

John 10. If you're familiar with the Bible, you're familiar with the passage. But maybe you haven't really thought about this part. Jesus, the Good Shepherd, goes on ahead of you. Have you ever thought about that? You've been given visuals of walking alongside Jesus or being carried by Him (ie, footprints in the sand), both encouraging at times, but have you ever thought about Him going on ahead of you? Knowing He's your guide and He's preparing the way for you should make the whole following thing a lot easier. How comforting is it to know that the God of the universe goes on ahead of us?!?

So I'm back. I've returned. And He's held up His end of the bargain too.

God's Glory

To God be the glory.

It starts here.

It ends here.

Nothing we can say, do or think about is more important than this.

I hope my words reflect it. I hope my life reflects it. And when they don't, when it doesn't, I hope God puts me back into my place. He's the sun; the giver of light. I'm the moon; the reflector of His light. It's all about Him. It's not about me.

To God be the glory.